untitled

I'm excavating the pathways
I followed in my pastways.
I have found that
children are, in fact, not
Immature, or
Unripened,
But rather far
More alive than
You or me.

I dream of living as
A child, a careless toddler
Again. When I still
Had a taste of immortality
and spoke part-god.

But i've lost that language
With the gradual lack of use

Now i'm shedding the
in-between years
that slowly corrupted my
innocence and using
the burning bridges to
light the way to new days
of the unadulturated
love i had back then.

Transparency

I am transparent.
I look at this page
And my reflection is gone.
Words are elusive
and all i want is for them
to finally reflect me.

My words are clumsy
and i usually let them get
By with delustions of adequacy
because i haven't met the
Right words to be my mirror

I am gone.
Running back and forth
Trying to introduce myself
To as many words as possible
In hopes that one will finally
Work so perfectly that it's
Effortless.

But nothing happens.
My words--
My words which decipher
My own imagination
have yet to make my acquaintance.
So i settle for letting
Silence do the talking.

Chaos

(let me just preface this by saying i wrote this a long time ago...i'm not sad anymore about it.)

This painful silence surrounded
Me like a skilled fighter and choked
Me of all explanation.
The dark road chilled my bones
so cold i froze.
Frozen of all emotion except pain
And i feel the blood freezing in
my veins and my soul seeping out of
My eyes in the form of rain.
I'm spiraling downward trying to
Grasp something sturdy.

This drive is silent but inside
my head is a cocophany of thoughts
tossing me so much i don't know
Whats up and whats down.

The chaos is a war between
My head and my heart and despite
My Minds meticulous calculations,
Careful strategies and fancy weapons,
My heart was winning with
guerilla warfare

Until you dumped an atom bomb on it.

Now my heart is clamoring to find
A place to begin again Because,
despite it's humble victories,
It's walls are destroyed--
A desolate city.
Empty.

change.

Sometimes, I want to give Change 
The sloppiest wettest kiss 
known to man.

On occasion I want to 
Step back, let him work 
His magic  and see what 
He'll bring me.

Today I'm wishing I 
could run like hell 
Away from him and 
Slip back into the solace 
Of  youth that
I so dearly miss.

these tears.

These tears are not my own.
They are yours.
They are parts of you .
With every word you’ve ever said to me
Every text you’ve ever written
Every smile you’ve offered
And every feeling you’ve given to me,
which discretely hitch-hiked
into my heart unseen,
you’ve given me a part of you.
You have been
Flowing through my veins undetected.
And now these tears are leaving.
Escaping from my heart
Through my eyes,
falling away.
you’re falling away from me.

Those parts are emptying
My body and contorting my heart
As it tightens in pain.
My heart is struggling to adapt to
those vacant places.
My body doesn’t know
how to answer to these
Empty spaces.

These tears are yours,
Please take them.
They’ve created a river
Too powerful to stay above water
Because it’s deep and I can’t swim.
It’s engulfing me.
It’s drowning me.
Take these tears from me.


Please take these tears
that soaked my pillow last night.

But you won’t.
You’ll want to,
You’ll say you will.
But you can’t.
You’re just going to have to watch me break.

Years later, a dam will malfunction
and the tears will cascade out of my eyes
I’ll recognize your face in their reflection.
And I’ll wonder what would have
happened if I had only learned how to swim

XVII (I do not love you...)

by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

(please note, I did NOT write this poem. I simply loved it.)

hushed tones

Hushed tones

And harmful words

Can be the most toxic poison

It is inopportune to meet someone

Who has learned to use this to their

Advantage.

Muted voices

Tiny bickering.

Do we not see each other?

It’s a habit

Suffer through.

Learn to deal.

Keep yourself busy

Forget to heal.

Pretend the wound isn’t there

Pretend you’re not the one thrusting it

Her back.

If she doesn’t see you do it,

She doesn’t have evidence.