treasure hunt

I’ve learned in my travels
To pack lightly.
To give my friends souvenirs
Instead of an unwieldy
Trunk full of my
Secrets and fears.

I had once been that
foolish, by entrusting
One with a key.

Now I give gifts,
Small memorabilia.
Just enough to say:

"I like you enough
to show you some
important parts of my journey".

Enough to feel like
They've been there.
But not enough
To get bogged down
With the mundane details
Of my itineraries,


Now I keep a close watch
On my trunk of secrets.
When someone asks
Nicely to take a peak,
I hand them a map
Rather than a key
And wish them luck.

mems.

i remember the dusted couch
And the warm summer air
that brought me the news.

I remember the city lights
we passed that gave me hope.


I'll always remember
these cinderblock walls that
caged in my pain as you built your own.

i'm standing outside of those walls,
and i remember that
i've knocked them down once.
You promptly built them up taller,

so i wait, i break and
I remember

Someday Someone

We were ageless.
I breathe in this memory.
It fuels each vein with life and hope
We laughed our childishness
And skipped along.
We flipped along.
We splashed puddles with those
Long since forgotten
Children within our hearts
We were wonderful.

We tumbled into
Sober and reflective conversation
And I wept.

Someone saw my Achilles.
Someone made me smile
At a point where I believed
Those muscles paralyzed.
For all the hours we spent talking
He had said whatever he could.

He would've said enough
With three words:
You are beautiful.

Someone should have been mine.

I loved you.

I loved you.
Late summer nights thief
Above the city lights we started
Below the mountains we ended.

To you, love shape-shifts to
your latest definition.
With your short lived attention

people are simple.

People are simple.
They love,
Hurt,
Cry,
Blame,
And Hope.

They love and write poetry.
They write their lines through
Their laughter or in their gloom.
They love and write.
They write the happy blissful
Chapters in their story.
They capture those moments
And keep them in a jar
As fireflies to give them
Faith,
Light, and
Direction
When they're walking dark paths

People are simple.
They love,
Hurt,
Cry,
Blame,
And Hope.

They hurt and fall.
They recoil and retract
And they write.
They write their pain in the air
Because paper is
Restricting and doesn't
Express their misery adequately.
As they write their pain in the
Air and it wraps around
Those it’s been written to as
A noose and slowly hangs them.
People damage, and people hurt.
When they make it explicit
They shoot lines like bullets
Quickly killing those that'd
Cared enough to jump in
Front and absorb the impact

People are simple.
They love,
Hurt,
Cry,
Blame,
And Hope.

They cry and break.
They write grief in their tears.
Hoping and praying that the
Salty water will be a panacea
To fix what has been broken.
With conjured theories
Of deceit and malice
They cry harder as their
Brokenness gets broken-er.
Until they decided that it’s beyond mending.
They cry to resolve that
Even a home repair is not sufficient.
They write their brokenness in their tears.

People are simple.
They love,
Hurt,
Cry,
Blame,
And Hope.

They blame and point fingers.
They point them in the mirror
And they point them towards
Those who let their fireflies go.
They write their blame with their fingers.
And with the hands that place
The blame, they build walls.
Walls to keep out those on the
Receiving end of that
Incisive finger.

People are simple.
They love,
Hurt,
Cry,
Blame,
And Hope.

The hope and fantasize.
They hope for sunnier rays to
Shine so much light on their paths
They won’t need to keep that
Inventory of fireflies
To find their direction.
They write their hope
In waiting for light.
They hope to love again,
They hope for the
Storybook love we’re told
Will one day sweep us
Up in a gust of wind so strong
Our head can be in the clouds indefinitely
And never travel those paths again

People are simple.
They love,
Hurt,
Cry,
Blame,
Hope.

People are simple,
They write.

Happiness

just a little heads up, this is the first poem i wrote that i actually liked, i wrote it towards the beginning of the year. a previous version is on my other blog but i like this version a lot better! enjoy, or don't (haha)
_______________________________________________________________


Let go of the grasp
That holds you down.
People will walk out of your
Life. They will appear as a
Visitor taking an hiatus in
Your own world.
They will be bright
And wondrous. They will give you
A taste if the unimaginable.
They will make you want to change
To become more like
Them.
But they leave.

They all do.
With attention spans
of goldfish they move on
to the next shiny rock
With excuses which do
Nothing but destroy your
Bruised heart.

And then you are left with the
Memory. This is what love is;
Memories. We fall in love
with the feelings brought to us
From past guests

do not be fooled.
They will not bring
you happiness.
Become a friend
of your own. Learn To love
Yourself the way you desperately
Want to be loved.
For if you do not, then you
Have failed yourself.

For once the monitor goes flat
The only confidant that matters
is the One found inside your own being
from birth to death this is the only
One you cannot escape.

Contentment will not be reached by accident.
Peace of the soul comes form the honest
Commitment ot love every fiber,
every cell, every atom
That makes up you as an individual.

As for this happiness things,
That thing that at times seems
Nowhere in sight?
It starts with letting go.

Letting go and getting a firm
grip on the broken soul
behind those ribs
And giving it that warm
Embrace it has long desired.

untitled

I'm excavating the pathways
I followed in my pastways.
I have found that
children are, in fact, not
Immature, or
Unripened,
But rather far
More alive than
You or me.

I dream of living as
A child, a careless toddler
Again. When I still
Had a taste of immortality
and spoke part-god.

But i've lost that language
With the gradual lack of use

Now i'm shedding the
in-between years
that slowly corrupted my
innocence and using
the burning bridges to
light the way to new days
of the unadulturated
love i had back then.

Transparency

I am transparent.
I look at this page
And my reflection is gone.
Words are elusive
and all i want is for them
to finally reflect me.

My words are clumsy
and i usually let them get
By with delustions of adequacy
because i haven't met the
Right words to be my mirror

I am gone.
Running back and forth
Trying to introduce myself
To as many words as possible
In hopes that one will finally
Work so perfectly that it's
Effortless.

But nothing happens.
My words--
My words which decipher
My own imagination
have yet to make my acquaintance.
So i settle for letting
Silence do the talking.

Chaos

(let me just preface this by saying i wrote this a long time ago...i'm not sad anymore about it.)

This painful silence surrounded
Me like a skilled fighter and choked
Me of all explanation.
The dark road chilled my bones
so cold i froze.
Frozen of all emotion except pain
And i feel the blood freezing in
my veins and my soul seeping out of
My eyes in the form of rain.
I'm spiraling downward trying to
Grasp something sturdy.

This drive is silent but inside
my head is a cocophany of thoughts
tossing me so much i don't know
Whats up and whats down.

The chaos is a war between
My head and my heart and despite
My Minds meticulous calculations,
Careful strategies and fancy weapons,
My heart was winning with
guerilla warfare

Until you dumped an atom bomb on it.

Now my heart is clamoring to find
A place to begin again Because,
despite it's humble victories,
It's walls are destroyed--
A desolate city.
Empty.

change.

Sometimes, I want to give Change 
The sloppiest wettest kiss 
known to man.

On occasion I want to 
Step back, let him work 
His magic  and see what 
He'll bring me.

Today I'm wishing I 
could run like hell 
Away from him and 
Slip back into the solace 
Of  youth that
I so dearly miss.

these tears.

These tears are not my own.
They are yours.
They are parts of you .
With every word you’ve ever said to me
Every text you’ve ever written
Every smile you’ve offered
And every feeling you’ve given to me,
which discretely hitch-hiked
into my heart unseen,
you’ve given me a part of you.
You have been
Flowing through my veins undetected.
And now these tears are leaving.
Escaping from my heart
Through my eyes,
falling away.
you’re falling away from me.

Those parts are emptying
My body and contorting my heart
As it tightens in pain.
My heart is struggling to adapt to
those vacant places.
My body doesn’t know
how to answer to these
Empty spaces.

These tears are yours,
Please take them.
They’ve created a river
Too powerful to stay above water
Because it’s deep and I can’t swim.
It’s engulfing me.
It’s drowning me.
Take these tears from me.


Please take these tears
that soaked my pillow last night.

But you won’t.
You’ll want to,
You’ll say you will.
But you can’t.
You’re just going to have to watch me break.

Years later, a dam will malfunction
and the tears will cascade out of my eyes
I’ll recognize your face in their reflection.
And I’ll wonder what would have
happened if I had only learned how to swim

XVII (I do not love you...)

by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

(please note, I did NOT write this poem. I simply loved it.)

hushed tones

Hushed tones

And harmful words

Can be the most toxic poison

It is inopportune to meet someone

Who has learned to use this to their

Advantage.

Muted voices

Tiny bickering.

Do we not see each other?

It’s a habit

Suffer through.

Learn to deal.

Keep yourself busy

Forget to heal.

Pretend the wound isn’t there

Pretend you’re not the one thrusting it

Her back.

If she doesn’t see you do it,

She doesn’t have evidence.