Happiness

just a little heads up, this is the first poem i wrote that i actually liked, i wrote it towards the beginning of the year. a previous version is on my other blog but i like this version a lot better! enjoy, or don't (haha)
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Let go of the grasp
That holds you down.
People will walk out of your
Life. They will appear as a
Visitor taking an hiatus in
Your own world.
They will be bright
And wondrous. They will give you
A taste if the unimaginable.
They will make you want to change
To become more like
Them.
But they leave.

They all do.
With attention spans
of goldfish they move on
to the next shiny rock
With excuses which do
Nothing but destroy your
Bruised heart.

And then you are left with the
Memory. This is what love is;
Memories. We fall in love
with the feelings brought to us
From past guests

do not be fooled.
They will not bring
you happiness.
Become a friend
of your own. Learn To love
Yourself the way you desperately
Want to be loved.
For if you do not, then you
Have failed yourself.

For once the monitor goes flat
The only confidant that matters
is the One found inside your own being
from birth to death this is the only
One you cannot escape.

Contentment will not be reached by accident.
Peace of the soul comes form the honest
Commitment ot love every fiber,
every cell, every atom
That makes up you as an individual.

As for this happiness things,
That thing that at times seems
Nowhere in sight?
It starts with letting go.

Letting go and getting a firm
grip on the broken soul
behind those ribs
And giving it that warm
Embrace it has long desired.

untitled

I'm excavating the pathways
I followed in my pastways.
I have found that
children are, in fact, not
Immature, or
Unripened,
But rather far
More alive than
You or me.

I dream of living as
A child, a careless toddler
Again. When I still
Had a taste of immortality
and spoke part-god.

But i've lost that language
With the gradual lack of use

Now i'm shedding the
in-between years
that slowly corrupted my
innocence and using
the burning bridges to
light the way to new days
of the unadulturated
love i had back then.

Transparency

I am transparent.
I look at this page
And my reflection is gone.
Words are elusive
and all i want is for them
to finally reflect me.

My words are clumsy
and i usually let them get
By with delustions of adequacy
because i haven't met the
Right words to be my mirror

I am gone.
Running back and forth
Trying to introduce myself
To as many words as possible
In hopes that one will finally
Work so perfectly that it's
Effortless.

But nothing happens.
My words--
My words which decipher
My own imagination
have yet to make my acquaintance.
So i settle for letting
Silence do the talking.

Chaos

(let me just preface this by saying i wrote this a long time ago...i'm not sad anymore about it.)

This painful silence surrounded
Me like a skilled fighter and choked
Me of all explanation.
The dark road chilled my bones
so cold i froze.
Frozen of all emotion except pain
And i feel the blood freezing in
my veins and my soul seeping out of
My eyes in the form of rain.
I'm spiraling downward trying to
Grasp something sturdy.

This drive is silent but inside
my head is a cocophany of thoughts
tossing me so much i don't know
Whats up and whats down.

The chaos is a war between
My head and my heart and despite
My Minds meticulous calculations,
Careful strategies and fancy weapons,
My heart was winning with
guerilla warfare

Until you dumped an atom bomb on it.

Now my heart is clamoring to find
A place to begin again Because,
despite it's humble victories,
It's walls are destroyed--
A desolate city.
Empty.